No Laughing Matter
by ellenvictoria22
Summary: My continuation from the I Love Lucy episode "Country Club Dance". Lucy's dress rips, but her Knight In Shining Armor comes to her rescue (I'll give you a hint, it's not Fred!) Warning: a certain scene might be a bit graphic as the two characters that I'm dealing with can't seem to control themselves! Enjoy!


No Laughing Matter

"You're being much too sweet!" yelled Lucy

"What's wrong with bein' sweet?" argued back Ricky.

"When you're this sweet, there's something rotten in Cuba. Just go out there and dance with Diana!"

"Ok, I will!"

Lucy watched Ricky walk off and was so angry with him that she stormed off to get Ethel and go home. She was completely over this night and the fact that she had squeezed into this tight dress for her husband had become such a waste. He barely noticed her in it, but she knew that he couldn't stop thinking about Diana Jordan, Grace Munson's cousin from out of town. Sure, she was young and beautiful, but that was no reason for Ricky, Fred and Ralph Ramsey to be drooling over her.

"Ethel, let's get out of here. Tell that beast of a husband to take his hands off of you!"

"Beast?!" yelled Fred, astonished to hear Lucy refer to him in that way.

"Lucy, I don't want to! I'm having fun and I'm going to enjoy myself!"

"These husbands of ours have come up with a plan with that blonde and I'm not going to stand here and take it! Let's go!"

"Lucy, there is no plan. Why can't you just enjoy yourself with Ricky? He's been paying attention to you all night and hasn't looked at Diana once!" argued Fred, getting annoyed with his friend's wild idea.

"That's just the whole point of your plan with her! You don't look at her and so you're trying to fool us completely! Come on, Ethel! Are you leaving or not!"

"Not!" said Ethel, firmly.

"Ethel Mertz, I can't believe you! Well, fine, then. You all can find your own ride home! I'm taking the car and I'm leaving. I don't want to stand around and watch all of you be dragged into this!"

As Lucy walked away, even angrier from Ethel, she accidentally bumped into two other women and dropped her bag. As they gave her strange looks, she bent down to pick it up and felt the seam of her dress split down the middle. Hearing the rip, she stood right up and couldn't help but feel her face become hot. She realized through this that everyone stopped and turned to look at her, as they had heard the rip, as well. The crowd of people began to stare at Lucy and many of them even started to laugh. Lucy put her hands behind her back, but felt that the rip in her dress was too noticeable to try to conceal. She noticed that more and more people started to point and snicker that this had happened.

Lucy felt her eyes well up with tears as she saw that most of the strangers in this room were making fun of her and making the situation she was in worse. She quickly glanced at the Mertzs and the Ramseys and saw that they were too surprised to say anything. Before she could do anything, she saw the one person that she knew could help her make his way through the crowd and spot her instantly.

Lucy saw Ricky's face had softened as he saw for himself the pickle she had gotten herself in. He walked over to her quickly as her lip started to quiver and she took a shuddering breath.

"Honey, what happen'?"

"I bumped into these two women and accidentally dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, my dress ripped. I don't know what to do, Ricky."

"I got an idea," said Ricky, as he took off his tuxedo jacket and handed it to Lucy, "You're gonna tie the sleeves of my jacket arund your waist 'til we get home."

"Don't you want to dance with Diana?" Lucy asked tearfully.

"No," said Ricky, with love in his eyes.

Tears began to stream down Lucy's face as she looked up at her wonderful husband. He wiped the tears off of her face and returned her loving glance. For a split second, she forgot where she was and what had just happened to her. Breaking the trance that they seemed to have on each other, Ricky quickly excused himself from Lucy to hand the keys over to Fred.

"How are we going to get home?"

"We'll take a cab, Lucy. It's not fair to leave the Mertzs an' the Ramseys withou' a way to get home."

Lucy felt a stab of guilt, as that was what she was going to do before her dress ripped.

'Well, karma is everything,' thought Lucy.

Lucy and Ricky walked quickly out of the country club hall and waited for a cab. This gave the two of them time to talk about what happened previously before Lucy stormed off.

"Ricky, I'm sorry for how I acted tonight. I had this coming to me."

"Dun't be sorry, sweetheart. If I han't acted the way I did las' night, none of this would'a happen'."

"I said horrible things to you. I told you that when you're sweet, you're up to something. That's not true because what you did for me in there was sweet beyond anything in this whole world."

"I did what I did in there was because I din't like those people laughin' at my wife. There was nothin' funny about what happen' and as a matter of fact, I wanna go back in and give those people piece of my brain!"

Lucy genuinely chuckled for the first time all day. She felt honored that her husband wanted to defend her verbally to everyone that had laughed at her and she also loved how he butchered American phrases the way that he did.

"It's that you want to go in there and give those people a piece of your mind, and it's really not necessary. You giving me your tuxedo jacket and getting me out of there quickly was the best thing ever. Thank you," said Lucy quietly as she leaned up to kiss his cheek.

Ricky blushed and quickly looked down at his feet before looking back at Lucy. He gently brushed his knuckles against her cheek and felt his heart soar when he saw her close her eyes and lean her face into his ministrations. Suddenly, they noticed the headlights of the cab come up to the door of the country club. Ricky opened the car door for Lucy and slid in after her. After he closed the door, he quickly grabbed Lucy's hand and stroked the top of her hand with his thumb. Lucy leaned her head back against the headrest of the seat and stared at her husband. The two didn't feel the need to exchange any words in the cab, but just enjoy the moment that they were in.

After about ten minutes, they saw the cab approach their house. Ricky paid the man and escorted his wife inside. Turning the lights on, Lucy looked over in the living room and was reminded how a couple of hours ago, she had just presented herself in her tight dress that she was trying to impress her husband in. Lucy laughed at herself that she needed to go to lengths like that to have her husband see her as glamorous.

"Honey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just remembering how earlier this evening, I strut down these stairs in this dress, thinking I had to show you what a glamour girl I was. Pretty silly, huh? Look how it turned out for me. I have a dress that I'll never wear again and I completely embarrassed myself in front of everyone tonight."

"Lucy," soothed Ricky, as he put his arms around her, "you dun't have to proof you're a glamour girl to me. You're beautiful to me, no matta what. You can wear that dress or a burlap sack and I'll always think of you as glamorous. As far as those people go tonight, they got ta see what a gorgeous wife I have and they can go chase themselves."

Lucy looked up at her husband's phrase and was astonished that he would use that to describe those people.

"Ricky!"

"No, I'm surious! I can't tell you how mad I am that they would laugh at you. No one laughs at my beautiful wife."

"Was Diana mad when you left her?"

"I dun't think so. When I saw the crowd gather 'round you, I left her side and saw her join up with some other guy. Guess she wasn't impressed that I would rather help my wife."

"So the blonde wasn't impressed with you. That's her loss. I know of a redhead that is mighty impressed with you and always wants you around," said Lucy seductively, as she wrapped her arms around Ricky's neck.

Ricky gave Lucy a big smile and leaned into Lucy to kiss her on the lips soundly. Lucy deepened the kiss by slowly slipping her tongue into Ricky's mouth. Ricky pulled his mouth away reluctantly and caught desire increasing in her eyes.

"I think we need to go upstairs and get that dress off. What'dya say?"

"Yes..." said Lucy, breathlessly.

Ricky swooped Lucy up into his arms and carried her to the stairs. Lucy planted her lips on her husband's again and as Ricky walked, Lucy could feel the seams splitting on the back of her dress more. She laughed against Ricky's lips and at the landing, he stopped and began to laugh with her.

"What's the matta?"

"My dress keeps ripping more and more," said Lucy, not being able to catch her breath as she was laughing so hard.

Ricky began to laugh with her, as it was very infectious. Lucy couldn't explain why she thought this was so funny, but was laughing anyway. After a while, they both wiped the tears away from their eyes and caught each other's gaze again. Ricky put his hands on Lucy's face and placed his lips on hers. As they kissed, they clumsily made their way to the bedroom, thankful that Little Ricky was with the Appleby's for the weekend.

Reaching for the doorknob, Ricky opened the door and stumbled in, along with Lucy. Ricky undid his tie as Lucy removed his tuxedo jacket away from her dress and investigated the rip that her dress had. Walking slowly to her, with his eyes becoming dark, Ricky began to kiss his wife's exposed neck as it was craned, looking at her back in the full length mirror. She closed her eyes and let out a slight moan, as she felt her husband's soft lips caress her porcelain skin.

Wanting to escalate her desire, he gently turned her around by her shoulders and began to nip at the back of her neck. While doing so, he lowered what was left of her zipper and pulled apart the upper part of the zipper and eased the dress off of his wife's body. Seeing her not wearing a bra, this excited him even more. He was wondering why he couldn't stop subtly glancing at wife's chest more than usual throughout the night, but now he had his answer.

He scooped Lucy up in his arms and deposited her on the bed. She sat up and began to unbutton Ricky's dress shirt and undid the belt buckle on his pants. He stepped out of his pants and pulled down his boxers to reveal himself to his wife. She ran a finger up the length of him, but he stilled her fingers and laid her back on the bed.

Ricky lowered his mouth down to her chest and sucked her right breast, using his teeth and tongue to give her a sensual torture. After he pleasured her left breast, he moved his lips down to her stomach and traced her naval with his tongue. Looking up at Lucy's face, he saw that her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily. Ricky decided to roll her onto her stomach and worship her backside, since he thought that many people saw it tonight and laughed as they did.

Ricky started at the top of her shoulders and planted soft kisses between her shoulder blades. He worked his way down to her lower back and placed a soft kiss right at her panty line. Flipping her onto her back again, he looked into Lucy's eyes and slowly removed her panties from her hips. Using his fingers, he felt her center up and down, just as she had done with him before. Inserting two fingers into her, he massaged her slowly at first and began to quicken the pace, as she saw that her breathing was becoming faster and heavier.

"Oh my God! Ricky! Yes!" breathed Lucy.

Ricky didn't say anything, but just brought his mouth down to where his fingers had just been. Wanting to please his wife more, he pushed in his tongue through her womanly entrance and began to use his mouth to suck hard.

"Oh...Ricky! Please! Yes! Yes! Keep going!"

All Ricky could do was moan into her, as he drank in her orgasm completely. Gauging the sublime look she had on her face, he knew that he achieved what he had set out to accomplish.

Bringing his face back up to hers, he was beginning to feel more turned on than ever. He kissed her hungrily as he slid into her fully and completely. Ricky started to thrust into her with a continually fast pace. Lucy automatically brought her legs up around her husband's hips to feel him as close as she could get him. She pushed at his bottom, giving him the signal to go faster with her.

"Ricky! Ricky! Oh my God! Please don't stop! I want you! I love you! Yes!"

Ricky kept thrusting into her, wanting to give her as much pleasure as she deserved. Lucy's orders and declarations of love always allowed him to concentrate, which kept their connection going longer.

Putting his head into her neck, he continued to keep up with his consistent thrusts. She kept ordering him to keep going and pushing at him to keep up the pace. Ricky could feel himself starting to come, but knew that Lucy would have to finish first. All of a sudden, he felt Lucy orgasm around him and he was right behind her.

Lucy let out a satisfied cry, as she put her head back and tried to catch her breath. Ricky nuzzled her neck and looked at her face with a proud smile as he saw that he was the reason behind her satisfaction.

"Ricky...Ricky...Ricky," said Lucy, breathlessly, trying to clear her head from what she just experienced.

"Mi amor?"

"You are incredible," said Lucy, trying to focus on the beautiful man that was still laying on top of her.

"I had some help."

Lucy laughed as she began to get her bearings. She gave Ricky a quick kiss on the cheek and lavished in the encounter they just went through.

Ricky got off of her and laid his body next to hers. Putting his head on her shoulder, he sighed and knew he had to tell his wife what was on his mind.

"You know, they say you can tell a lot 'bout how a person is in bed by the way they dance."

"Ricky Ricardo! What are you trying to say?" asked Lucy, shocked by the sentence he just said to her.

"Well, you, Lucy Ricardo, are the Ginger Rogers of my life," said Ricky, as he quickly raised his eyebrows to her.

"Ricky, thanks, but Ginger Rogers, I am not," said Lucy, as she giggled.

"Well, you do have a point," joked Ricky.

"Hey!" said Lucy, as she playfully hit him.

"Ginger Rogers is beautiful, but you my dear, are GLAMOROUS!" said Ricky, as he lovingly kissed his wife.

Lucy knew at that moment, that Diana Jordan and any other woman that they came in contact with, wouldn't be a threat to their relationship and that comforted her to no end.


End file.
